don’t date someone that promises you forever. date someone who acknowledges that life happens, that people change, that things may get in the way. date someone who despite knowing all of that, tries their hardest for your relationship.
I was chatting with a donor before I drew his blood, and he was a dentist. when I actually drew him, there was just a little squirt of blood and it surprised him
I looked him in they eye and told him “you’re bleeding because you don’t floss”
and he went dead silent
had the opportunity and fucking seized it
listen, you can hate my favorite character and you can write the most well-written piece about why you hate them or why they are an asshole, but i’m still going to love that character as if they came from my womb.
- I want this story to be written
- I don’t want this story to be written by anyone but me
- I don’t want to write this story
50% of my jokes are self deprecating and 50% are self congratulatory like i’ll say “wow its hot in here…. just like me” and 5 seconds later point at a trash can and say “me”